Why is it so Complicated?

When I was a kid, I had no idea how complicated friendships really were. Back then, you just hung out with your friends and played. My best friend and I were pretty much inseparable back then. We partnered up for school projects, were the librarians for our class from second grade to eighth, and spent as much time together outside of school as possible. We had our arguments, but they never seemed to last very long. For the most part, it was easy.

When things started to get Complicated

I moved. I tried to keep up with my bestie, but we didn’t have social media back then or cell phones. I lived almost an hour away, and we both had other things going on. We had a few sleepovers, but we ended up growing apart. We had kept up with each other over the years, attended funerals or weddings, exchanged birthday texts, but that was about it.

Through the threes years of high school in my new town, I had some close friends, but I’d be close with one for a bit and then they seemed to move on. All of them seemed to last for about a year. Then I met my now ex-husband and all my friends were gone. Without going into a ton of detail there, it was a lot easier to not have any friends during that time.

Complications of Adult Life

I started to make friends again towards the end of my marriage, but I was still not extremely close to any of them. I always felt like they were going to drop me at any given moment, especially the female ones. They all seemed to have their lives together and seemed to know how to have friendships that lasted. I felt completely incompetent in that area. That feeling kept me from really opening up and forming close friendships.

Right before I was 30 I went back to college and made friends there, but it was difficult again. I was a LOT older than all of my classmates and in a completely different stage of life. They were all closer to my oldest’s age than mine. I was friends with them and still follow them on social media, but I am not a part of their day to day lives.

Once I graduated from college, I started to make some friends in my new job and things were going great. I thought things were finally turning around and I was figuring out the whole friendship thing, until things came to an abrupt stop. People say that you find out who your friends are when times are tough, and that could not be more true. It became very obvious who I could count on and trust during that time. Unfortunately that list was EXTREMELY small. After four years there and a lot of pain, I was forced to move on.

Turning Point

I finally found the position I am in now, less than a week before school started. You know how sometimes people say that God puts you were you should be, you just have to be patient? Well, this was definitely the case for me. Where I am now has been amazing!! I have many friends, and I have even made a best friend again! It was not as easy as one might think though to go back to being best friends with someone. I have struggled like crazy because I have barely had any adult friendships, let alone an extremely close friendship. Then add in all of the other responsibilities to worry about and it gets a bit complicated again.

What changed? I found another blog by two ladies who are friends. The blog is called ”Sister I am With You”. I love their blog so much that when they mentioned they wrote a book , I’ll Be There (But I’ll Be Wearing Sweatpants), I bought it not only for myself, but my best friend, my daughters, and my son’s girlfriend. It is such a great book, and it helped me to realize that I’m not alone. The things I feel and think in my head when it comes to being a friend, or making friends, are not any different than other women are thinking. I went through all of the exercises at the end of each chapter and I have changed for the better.

Not only have I become a better friend, but I have gained a confidence I didn’t have before. If you are struggling with being a friend or just friendships in general, I would get the book and go through all of the ”What’s Next?” parts. The biggest thing to remember is this: You are not alone.